I have a list of possible things to blog about. It keeps getting longer. And yet I keep putting off the actual blogging. And what stops me? Several things I think, but mainly overthinking. The need to get it right, to be perfect from the off, to create something amazing – immediately.
But really – where’s the fun in that? I’ve tried to do it that way all my life, and it’s dull, it’s hard, it’s stressful, it leads to bucketloads of anxiety. So maybe now we’ll try it differently. And try for a while to not care whether I write crap or not. Literally! The effort it costs me to write the word ‘crap’ on a public platform!! The extra effort it will cost to actually press the Publish button ….
A million thoughts go on in my head daily, often it seems like they’re all at the same time. And what I have to remember is – they’re just thoughts. They aren’t reality. They come. They go. They change. They aren’t me. They don’t define me. My thoughts on a subject can be completely different than somebody else’s on the same subject. We know this. We see this. And yet we don’t really recognise it and accept it and what it means. Just because we believe something, it doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because someone else believes something, it doesn’t mean, or make it true. When I fail to recognise this, I can be harsh and judgemental. Our arguments can go round and round, with no outcome other than thinking that the other person is stupid for not being able to see things from our point of view. But, why should they be able to? No one else has the same point of view. No one else has the same life, the same thoughts, the same understandings. Trying to impress our way of thinking on people, without being able to hear what they have to say, causes disagreements and bad feelings. We’re all living different realities. We all see things differently. And understand them differently.
We know that we shouldn’t pay too much attention to our thoughts. One day I think I know everything, the next, that I know nothing. And neither are true, or helpful. I think that a certain person is a bully, until I learn something new about them that completely changes my perspective of them. It might not even be something true that I learn about them. Or I simply might be in a better mood. So many things affect how we view the world. There is no one way of understanding.
“You’re doing what?”
The standard response to the news that I was taking my children out of school. Although some people just laughed because they didn’t believe me. But that’s what we did. Because we could. Because I believe school is not the only way. Because I believe things can change but someone has to be prepared to do things differently. Thankfully many people have gone this way before me. I read a lot. I read blogs of people homeschooling. I looked into the law. I looked at my children, my family, myself, my friends. I read of pitfalls and terrifying homeschool ‘checkerup’ people. I read of people ‘under the radar’, I read of court appearances, accusations of negligence, wanting to create a register, unschooling. Life done differently. Children who wished they’d been to school, children who wished they’d been homeschooled. I read about travellers. I read about deregistering from school or not registering in the first place. I read about the things that we do that we think are compulsory and I saw a lot of wrong beliefs, understanding, wrong thinking. I’ve worked in a school. I’ve been to school. I’ve been well and truly schooled. I’ve helped in different classes while my children were in school. I’ve worked with ‘special needs’ pupils, and I’ve watched as so many have been let down by the school system. I’ve known truly inspirational teachers, I’ve known teachers so stressed by it all, that all they could do was take it out on the pupils. I’ve known children who’ve flourished in school, and those who have withered. So it’s not a matter of right or wrong but of choice.
Because, at the end of it all, life is so much more than compulsory education. My children are so much more than they realise. Whether they learn the things they believe that they need to learn, or do the things they believe they need to do, I hope they realise, that these things are really no where near as important as they think they are.
I’m in Starbucks. The reason being – it’s one of my favourite places. I come here regularly. I spend time and money here and I love it. I love coming here with my daughter, and she sits and reads, and I read, or write, or blog, or people watch, or chat. I love the coffee. The staff are great. When it gets particularly busy, I love watching their teamwork. They work so well together. They laugh a lot. They know their regulars. They know their names and their orders. They remember when they’ve been on holiday. And customers feel safe enough to leave bags and laptops unattended. It’s my ‘go to’ place when I just need to get out of the house. Or my daughter does.
I love my home. And my garden. Today I have an unexpected pleasure, which might sound quite bad, but I have some time inthe house by myself. Everyone is out. This doesn’t happen much at all. Especially since my daughter is at home everyday. I have time to myself most days. I’m not always needed. But being in by myself and having that time is completely different. And so I’m sitting in my garden, on my swing, with my Chromebook, just enjoying the moment. And being grateful for so much.
…And after putting it off and never quite getting round to it, maybe this time …
I’m much happier with a notebook and pen, but… I want a blog. I want to share stuff… and I don’t.
I want to blog about my life, my family, my house and garden: the day to day. And, I want to write. I want to write and be published, so what better place to start than a blog?
Here’s to finally pressing the Publish button…